Gooseligans and fishcakes

‘Spend a bit more on a good cream.’ The GP said. ‘Spray on suntan lotion just comes off. You need a better brand – try Ambre Solaire.’

Honestly I had been trying to economise last week. Everything that I’m buying now represents money that I will not see replenished for a while so all of a sudden I’m Mr Frugal.

I’d bought some Sainsburys own brand sun tan cream – factor 50.

Shortly after weigh in last Saturday on a warm but overcast day I walked around the park for an hour in my cut price lotion.

The consequences a few hours later were not good. As the day wore on I realised that I’d burned. Burned unusually badly – even for me. I bought some Aloe Vera and covered my arms in it. It made no difference.

All I could do was scratch, and it was driving me crazy.

When I sat in work on Monday to hear the bad news it was still raw, and embarrassingly itchy and flaky. Since I was going to the doctor anyway to discuss my heel pain later that afternoon I also took the opportunity to mention my skin.

For this reason I now have unusually expensive suncream in my rucksack, and thank goodness for spending a few pounds extra. The sun got worse (I’m aware some may describe this as ‘better’ but not me) as the week wore on – and for once there were none of my preferred grey and overcast days.

I hid indoors because of my arms until Thursday and by then the problem seemed to be getting better. My right heel was also feeling good so I decided to cover myself from head to foot and head out in Arrow Valley for a walk around the lake.

When I arrived the park was buzzing. As I locked my car and started my walk meter app a small army of mothers emerged from a fleet of mini vans and SUV’s. They were heading out en masse (it seemed like some kind of club) with prams and toddlers, ensuring that if nothing else most of the benches would be filled up for the majority of the way.

However as it was a nice day I decided that if I was thwarted by the presence of alien bottoms at my usual pit stops I’d just sit on the grass instead.

The floor however was full as well to begin with – but not with the outward bound moms.

Unlike Warwick, Arrow Valley has no swanlings, but there are some similarities between parks. Like the pigeons in Warwick the geese appear to have recently been engaging in sexy time.

Lots of sexy time.


They also have a slightly more ‘Redditch’ attitude – and despite following everyone that looked like they were in possession of a loaf there appeared to be a hardcore of hissing and quite annoyed ‘Gooseligans‘ that were doing nothing but trying to intimidate their benefactors (and the poor ducks) by hissing and pecking at them.


Redditch goslings look cute but given that they all seem to be growing up to be vicious little f*****s I think I prefer Warwick Swanlings.

Otherwise the walk was lovely – but tiring. As well as sweating so much I turned my entire shirt a shade darker than it was when I began, I managed to hurt an entirely new muscle group in the front of my right thigh.

Lord knows what it’s called but I am now 100% sure how it feels when you pull it. However – its embarrassingly close to my man parts, so for the time being I’ll just ignore it in line with established male medical practices and wait until something falls off.

It took slightly longer than last time – but it was HOT and I spent a while being harassed by geese.

Overall however the GP recommended suntan cream proved to be a resounding success and despite my sweaty demeanour it had somehow remained in place. My arms looked an odd (healthy?) shade of brown today rather than my usual ‘bright red and burned‘ or ‘albino bubble boy‘ looks.

When I got back to work from the park I was the only one there. So many people have changed shifts for job interviews, exams, training, fallen sick or had holiday booked etc that there was simply no-one in the office but me.

I’ve never had that happen before. It was quite sad.

I looked around the room (which holds about 150 people), initially amazed to see it so quiet, and then decided that the best thing to do would be to get my music out and put it on full blast.

When the evening shift arrived over an hour later I was still doing this – and a bemused pair of colleagues found me bopping along to Robert Palmer ‘Addicted to Love’ at my desk with a lack of shame only displayed by a man who thinks he is completely invisible to others.

After chatting briefly to them about the current state of affairs I left work for the day and entered a whole new level of stress.

There’s a food tasting session at the Slimming World group tomorrow and as well as my usual worries about weigh ins (I think I might have put weight on this week and I’m crapping myself) I have absolutely no idea what to cook.

Through yesterday evening and today I’ve been agonising over what people might like, how to present it (I’ve never made finger food!) and what to take it in.

I was discussing it this evening with a fellow (very supportive) dieter at work – and thought I’d hit the nail on the head with him.

Initially I had settled on fishcakes – and he liked the idea. We had looked at the picture in the SW magazine together and they did indeed look pretty.

However after 45 minutes in Sainsburys this evening trying to decide which fish to use (the one in the recipe was apocalyptically expensive) and in what quantities (how many would I need?!) I decided against it.

Plus I had no idea how big to make the fishcakes – and if I made them a lot smaller would the cooking time vary?

Arrrrrrgh!!! I’m almost the only guy there and if I turn up with tiny squares of beans on toast in fairy cake cases with a swirl of HP sauce I’ll look like a complete nugget!

Thankfully I bought enough ingredients to do a couple of things and I’ll get up early tomorrow to make a start on one of them. Inspiration will have to wait until the morning. Necessity will be the mother of invention.

Although… I think I’ve settled on stuffed peppers.

No. Wait. Fishcakes.

No. No. Stuffed peppers.


Dammit internet- you’re no help!!! You’re supposed to be telling me what I should make!

I guess tomorrow morning I’ll just have to wing it. Tune in tomorrow for the post carnage report.


3 thoughts on “Gooseligans and fishcakes

  1. I’m glad that you have found a type of sunscreen that works for you. I am not sure if they sell that in the UK, but if you do happen to get burned after all you might want to apply something called “after sun”. This helps with the redness, itchiness and flakiness of the skin. 🙂 As a fair skinned maiden, I have plenty of experience in this area myself hahaha.
    😀 Have fun tomorrow. I am sure that whatever you are going to make it soing to be delicious.

    Liked by 1 person

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