Twerking and goals

It’s early evening and after a shamefully slow start to the day I’m sitting in the park on a bench with a sweat on. 

I can walk a lot faster than I used to but I’m not able to do it for long periods and so far it reduces the overall distance I tend to travel. Apple Watch reports just over 2.5 miles so far and I’m dripping. 

It’s a bit humid this evening. I suspect this shirt will need a wash tonight. 😄

I’ve been thinking more while walking about my goals, and things to get me motivated on the next stages of my weight loss journey.

First of all I decided last night to discount using exercise as milestones. I want activity and walking to be organic and fun to do. I want to naturally experience new things, places and people – not run like a hamster in a wheel at a gym because I feel I have to. 

For this reason I’ve never asked for a body magic award at Slimming World and I’ve no plans to do so in the near future. 

I also ruled out clothes. While it’s really nice when I get into something smaller I have to go further than the ones I own (I have shirts all the way down to 4x and jeans to match) to feel truly good about myself. I need to buy something new in a size I DON’T have and that’s not going to happen for some time.

I think therefore I’m going to stick with what has worked so far and break it up into more manageable segments. In honour of my Ulrik the cat post I have over the last few days preparing a road map for approximately (based on current progress) the next half a year of my life.

It may take a little longer. Who knows?

(kg weights below are rounded up or down)

Objective one.

Six stone (38kg) will represent a lot of weight that I’m no longer dragging around. It seems appropriate therefore that it’s actually the weight of a ‘Mangrove Jack’ boat trailer which is designed to do nothing else but drag other things about.

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The innovative tagline for this product is ‘A Mangrove Jack won’t break your back‘.

I’d beg to differ. Mine had been agony for years, and this lump of metal (that’s capable of carrying 250kg of fishing boat) might finally answer the mystery of why it hurt so much for so long. This is my NEXT OBJECTIVE.

Objective two.

By this time all of the calories I’ve burned should be making me feel a little hot under the collar, and I’ll no doubt need a tasty cold beverage and some cool cherry tomatoes.

I could do a lot worse than getting my drink or salad items from the shelves of the Fridgemaster MC55180FF 50/50 Frost Free fridge freezer.


As well as having handy reversible doors to suit my kitchen layout and an impressive A+ energy rating it just so happens to also weigh 44kg or 7 Stone.

Yep. Thats right. Two stones from today I’ll have lost a fridge freezer.

Objective three.

I’m sure you’ll agree that nothing says ‘I’m a little bit heavier than a fridge’ more than a diminutive pop princess with an appetite for DIY.


At 8 Stone or 50kg (give or take 2 pounds) after a few months I’ll hopefully be seeing the back of Miley Cyrus, whose considerable bulk is apparently capable of knocking down breeze blocks and changing the static free hanging position of a 1000 pound wrecking ball made of solid steel.

Unless we’ve been hoodwinked by clever special effects – which I very much doubt.

Screen Shot 2016-09-04 at 17.04.30

It’ll be sad no longer having her around – as her continual twerking and ability to engage in extreme renovations without safety gear will make future home modifications more time consuming and infinitely less engaging.

I’ll be willing however to branch out on my own in this area and for the sake of progress. Miley has to go.

Objective four.

Although I’m not a fan of sweet foods, it’s undeniable that after knocking down walls on my own I might fancy an energy boosting bar of chocolate. To be honest – I might fancy more than one.

I imagine that 1266.6 standard sized bars of cadburys milk chocolate might do the trick, but as they’re so pesky to carry I will probably go instead for the largest easter egg that the Bournville based confectioner makes.

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It’s hard to imagine anyone willingly eating 9 stone or 57kg of chocolate – but I suppose with a big enough hammer, a large enough sweet tooth and a lot of persistence it’s entirely possible.

Objective five.

I’ve been quite obsessed with filling my red ring lately – and for that matter my blue and green ones. Apple Watch can get a little addictive in that respect when you start exercising.

However, one ring that I’m unlikely to fill is the world’s largest, in Dubai. This incredibly understated and tasteful piece of jewellery weighs in at almost 64kg or 10 stone of gold and precious stones.


(images courtesy of here and here)

By the time I hit my 5th objective I will have lost the weight of the worlds largest solid gold ring. That’s going to feel pretty awesome.

Now – although these objectives are relatively obvious and linear I’m also of the opinion that I should push myself further outside of my comfort zone and begin to incorporate some hill walking – eventually my goal is Snowdonia. 

I’ve realised though that my calf and heel are vulnerable to changes in gradient (when I switch from uphill to downhill or vice versa). This is why I never pull anything in the park, and why it happens in the street, so this is something I’m going to have to work at gradually. 

This week Internet I’m off to a relatively OK start though. I’ve managed to get my pulse raised every day and filled my green ring.

The journey to a Mangrove Jack begins here folks!!!

The park looks lovely by the way. You should be here. It’s ace!


9 thoughts on “Twerking and goals

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