No more ice cubes

I woke up unusually early this morning. I had quite a bit to do before this afternoon and I wanted to get a head start on the day. 

I was also quite excited. Today is a big day for me. 

At the moment it’s 8.55am and I’m waiting in my vehicle for the shop in front of me to open. The car park is deserted and the lights in the shop are dimmed. I can hear a hoover. 

The reason I’m sitting outside Currrys PC World waiting for them to begin trading, is not because of anything urgent that needs replacing – but because I’ve worked really hard over the last few months and I hope that the item contained within the store will prove to be a fitting reward for my persistence. 

I’m treating myself. 

I’m no stranger to this shop. I used to buy a lot of things from it to keep me happy – and have often been referred to by friends as a ‘gadget man’. 

I’m guilty as charged of course. I do like technology. However I found that over recent years my ‘addiction’ to it (if that’s what you can call it) was actually more to do with retail therapy than needing to have the newest and best toy. 

If I was feeling particularly down I’d go out and buy myself something – often a game or games console, or better television so that even if I couldn’t venture out into the big wide world I could experience a virtual one. 

Not today. 

(Author visits the shop and then heads home to put on comfortable ‘weighing in clothes’ for Slimming World before briskly walking to the meeting)

The group is energetic today. One lady has been jumping up and down whooping with delight at her success on the scales. After much effort today she’s finally got her club 10 award and is absolutely extatic

Watching her obvious joy is making me smile from ear to ear and I’m really happy to see her success!

There are others in the group who are doing really well too – with some really big losses. People have gotten rid of two stone here, three stone there or even become target members today. 

Everyone seems positive and focused – and even those that are struggling want to draw support and advice from the group. 

Angie is on holiday today but the gang is doing what it does best in her absence and picking up anyone that’s struggling. 

It’s a lively, happy, positive and supportive place to be. 

I’m also feeling proud of myself. I have in my pocket something from Currys and I can’t wait to show it to the people around me – because I’m damn proud of it. 

When my time comes I hold it up to the people in the small semi circle of (hateful) little red chairs.

It’s not a gadget designed to paper over emotional cracks. It’s a photo on my phone, taken at my request by a helpful member of staff in the shop. 

This is the ESSENTIALS CE55CW13 Fridge Freezer. It comes in three colours (also available in black and silver) and is a very reasonable ยฃ170. 

I haven’t bought this – I’VE LOST IT. 

If you follow the embedded link and look at the specifications this particular fridge is 45kg. 

That’s now gone from my body – and if I have anything to say about it will never be returning. 

I needed to lose half a pound for my certificate – but really put the effort in this week to make sure I did it. In the end this meant that I lost five pounds. 

I’m not sure quite why this particular hurdle means so much to me but it’s actually very emotional – and as I talked about it in group today everything was completely from the heart. 

Although the lady who took my photo in the shop was quite nice and friendly, when I told her how much I had lost and how much I still had to lose she said ‘but what are you going to do with all that skin?!’

Honestly I didn’t have a flippant or upbeat and well thought out erudite answer for her. 

In the past when this issue has been raised by people close to me it’s upset me, but at that moment in time absolutely NOTHING could take away from me the triumph of having lost this monolithic kitchen appliance. 

She even compounded her indelicacy and called over her manager to tell him I’d lost the fridge freezer – then wanted to call over the balcony downstairs to her friend ‘who would also be amazed.’

Thankfully other consumers intervened and I left before her well meaning but embarrassing praise spread around the shop. 

The people in group are different though. I want to talk about such things there. They all understand the complex emotions involved with loosing weight and the other issues that surround it, such as what you are left with when the fat has gone – both emotionally and physically. 

I don’t care if they see me at my worst. It’s why I go there. Because I feel safe. 

As I told the group – even if there is a lot of leftover skin I don’t want operations. I want to be happy with who I am – whatever that turns out to be. I’d rather love myself than cut bits off and it’s the same mentality I developed toward weight loss surgery. 

I’ll never be Brad Pitt and I don’t want to be butchered. I’m good just the way I am and will be. 

None if it matters though. Today nothing else matters. I tried to pick that fridge freezer up in the store and it was heavy. 

Really heavy. 

If I’d been told that I had to carry it home with me I doubt it would have been possible. It made my knees strain when I lifted it from the ground and made them feel better when I rested it back down on the floor. 

A fridge freezer. 

I have to keep saying that to myself just so it makes sense – because on many levels it doesnt. 

But it doesn’t need to Internet. 

I don’t need to intellectualise this. I just need to feel it and enjoy it. 

(Author sips coffee and feels great)


11 thoughts on “No more ice cubes

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